What I was doing back home... that was what my life had been building up toward for more than a decade. And it wasn't like I hadn't enacted it yet at all. I was already... really deep into it.
[ people already died for it. ]
...My world sucks, and if I have the choice to go somewhere else, I don't want to be stuck there for the rest of my life. But if I don't see my plans through to the end after going this far, then... it's kind of like I did everything I did for nothing.
[she thinks about that for a moment, tilting her head back.]
I understand. [not wanting to give up on something, even if it sucks, because you put so much effort into it. she gets that.]
I think... that what matters is what you'll feel. [she glances at him.] If you think that finishing your plan will make you feel better, and it will make you happy, you should do it.
But if you are finishing it just because it is unfinished, and you don't think it will satisfy your heart, I don't think it's bad to go somewhere else. If you go somewhere where you can eventually move on again, you won't be stuck there permanently.
[ he goes quiet as he tries to work out exactly what his feelings are, leaning back and blowing smoke up into the air. ]
...It probably wasn't ever going to make me happy. Each person I got revenge on— it felt really good, but it wasn't like I was actually feeling joy over it. It was just... numbing. Like once they were gone, the pain and the rage I'd felt over them just kind of fell away.
[ ... ]
But I don't know if I'd be able to be happy anywhere else either, knowing I'd left things unfinished back in my world. If I'm not there to prevent them from cheating their way out of the convictions they deserve, Blaise and Patricia are just going to game the system again and go free and keep committing crimes. And then the people they killed as part of my plan will have died for nothing.
[ which he wouldn't ordinarily care about, but he feels kind of conflicted about this now... knowing knightley maybe didn't deserve what he got quite so much after all. ]
...Thanks. Honestly, I'd absolutely be down for that if you had a surefire way to get out. The not getting stuck part's the problem for me too, though.
The Traveler must know a way. [a beat.] Shen Qingqiu said that he has a dimension ripping sword. Maybe I'll steal it from him.
[ok rude but sure]
I know that you have your things that you need to do, but you are welcome in Teyvat, if you wanted. [she glances at him.] Especially you. I am very sure that you wouldn't need to be stuck there. But I also would understand if you didn't want to take the chance.
Well, if you manage to figure that out, that'd be awesome, yeah.
[ maybe if he can convince himself she'll actually be able to it he can feel better about not finishing things himself. ]
...If I go somewhere else, it'll probably be with Fukuzawa. He invited me to go back with him a while ago, before I even knew that was a thing... and his world should be close to mine in terms of technology and stuff, so I don't think it'd be a big adjustment.
[ he's seen enough of people's memories of teyvat to know that would be a much bigger difference, and while he prides himself on being adaptable, that's still a major commitment to make without ever having personally been there. ]
But I appreciate the offer.
[ because it's touch week on top of everything else in the world, he'll maybe lean in a little closer and bump his shoulder against hers. ]
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Mm. [she tilts her head at him.] You don't have to. You can go wherever you want and do whatever you want.
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there's a wry smile at that. ]
Yeah, that's... kind of the problem, I guess.
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[ people already died for it. ]
...My world sucks, and if I have the choice to go somewhere else, I don't want to be stuck there for the rest of my life. But if I don't see my plans through to the end after going this far, then... it's kind of like I did everything I did for nothing.
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I understand. [not wanting to give up on something, even if it sucks, because you put so much effort into it. she gets that.]
I think... that what matters is what you'll feel. [she glances at him.] If you think that finishing your plan will make you feel better, and it will make you happy, you should do it.
But if you are finishing it just because it is unfinished, and you don't think it will satisfy your heart, I don't think it's bad to go somewhere else. If you go somewhere where you can eventually move on again, you won't be stuck there permanently.
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[ he goes quiet as he tries to work out exactly what his feelings are, leaning back and blowing smoke up into the air. ]
...It probably wasn't ever going to make me happy. Each person I got revenge on— it felt really good, but it wasn't like I was actually feeling joy over it. It was just... numbing. Like once they were gone, the pain and the rage I'd felt over them just kind of fell away.
[ ... ]
But I don't know if I'd be able to be happy anywhere else either, knowing I'd left things unfinished back in my world. If I'm not there to prevent them from cheating their way out of the convictions they deserve, Blaise and Patricia are just going to game the system again and go free and keep committing crimes. And then the people they killed as part of my plan will have died for nothing.
[ which he wouldn't ordinarily care about, but he feels kind of conflicted about this now... knowing knightley maybe didn't deserve what he got quite so much after all. ]
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silence again, and then:]
To be clear - it would not make you feel good if someone just killed the two of them? [she's just. checking.]
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I mean... it definitely wouldn't feel bad. I'd take it.
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I am just trying to think of a way to offer to kill them for you without being stuck in your world. [she says, finally, frowning.]
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...Thanks. Honestly, I'd absolutely be down for that if you had a surefire way to get out. The not getting stuck part's the problem for me too, though.
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The Traveler must know a way. [a beat.] Shen Qingqiu said that he has a dimension ripping sword. Maybe I'll steal it from him.
[ok rude but sure]
I know that you have your things that you need to do, but you are welcome in Teyvat, if you wanted. [she glances at him.] Especially you. I am very sure that you wouldn't need to be stuck there. But I also would understand if you didn't want to take the chance.
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Well, if you manage to figure that out, that'd be awesome, yeah.
[ maybe if he can convince himself she'll actually be able to it he can feel better about not finishing things himself. ]
...If I go somewhere else, it'll probably be with Fukuzawa. He invited me to go back with him a while ago, before I even knew that was a thing... and his world should be close to mine in terms of technology and stuff, so I don't think it'd be a big adjustment.
[ he's seen enough of people's memories of teyvat to know that would be a much bigger difference, and while he prides himself on being adaptable, that's still a major commitment to make without ever having personally been there. ]
But I appreciate the offer.
[ because it's touch week on top of everything else in the world, he'll maybe lean in a little closer and bump his shoulder against hers. ]
Really.