I come from a pretty screwed up world. Pretty.... screwed up family, too. When they were alive. When I was a kid, I used to take a lot of beatings. I've seen some pretty shitty things.
[ that also gets... a weird mix of bad feelings, though at least that seems like a justified response in this case. but he's definitely remembering how scared knightley was of his father when they were kids, and what that fear pushed him to do, and how much he never forgave him for it even knowing that was the reason. ]
I'm sorry. I don't remember mine, but I don't think there was anything like that.
[ ... ]
Seems like most worlds are pretty bad in their own way, though.
[ livio is generally of the opinion that overall, no man's land is the worst, but he doesn't want to minimize anyone else's pain. ] Shitty people are everywhere.
[ fair; other japanifornia isn't exactly terrible, it's just the kind of stupid fucking place where dozens of lives over the course of time can be ruined by a guy being a dick at a dessert contest once. ]
Yeah. I don't really remember anything from before the orphanage.
[ oh. oh wow. this is a side to simon he has not seen or felt before. livio is surprised, not quite alarmed, but.... it's just unexpected ]
[ maybe this is part of why simon is so afraid all the time. he chooses his words carefully, but simon can feel some real empathy there. not specifically about his orphanage, but.... just. childhood experiences ]
Yeah. I did too. They wanted to make me disappear, so I did it for them.
[ that empathy is sort of a strange and foreign feeling, and though it's sometimes hard to tell this week where his own feelings end and someone else's begin, he's sure that this isn't his. his own empathy, what little there is of it, seems to be reserved for kids abandoned in the backs of cars and those who exist solely for righteous revenge.
now that he's stuck with this feeling for the moment he doesn't know what to think of it or do with it.
he bristles slightly at the apology, for reasons that have nothing to do with livio, but quickly shakes it off. ]
[ well, then!!! that feeling of empathy and understanding persists. it gets stronger, even. traces of bitterness and resentment, too. not at simon. just. out there ]
[ livio isn't offended, though, he gets it. there isn't a lot he can say here. but ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ unfortunately his very real axe wounds say otherwise.
he shrugs. ]
The mother thought we had her missing kid, probably, which I mean... we did just kind of show up in her house.
[ plus she was just. in a very bad state both mentally and physically. ]
Everything else... I don't know. Just felt like hurting us, I guess.
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.... Some people are just like that. I'm sorry.
Is there anything I can do for ya?
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Mm... I don't think so. But thanks for asking.
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... Hey. Ya don't have to act calm for my sake.
[ despite his earlier uneasiness ]
I haven't.... I mean, I know how shitty people can be, even if there's a lot I don't understand about this situation in particular.
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Yeah?
cw: child abuse
I come from a pretty screwed up world. Pretty.... screwed up family, too. When they were alive. When I was a kid, I used to take a lot of beatings. I've seen some pretty shitty things.
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[ that also gets... a weird mix of bad feelings, though at least that seems like a justified response in this case. but he's definitely remembering how scared knightley was of his father when they were kids, and what that fear pushed him to do, and how much he never forgave him for it even knowing that was the reason. ]
I'm sorry. I don't remember mine, but I don't think there was anything like that.
[ ... ]
Seems like most worlds are pretty bad in their own way, though.
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[ livio is generally of the opinion that overall, no man's land is the worst, but he doesn't want to minimize anyone else's pain. ] Shitty people are everywhere.
Did ya lose your parents too....?
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Yeah. I don't really remember anything from before the orphanage.
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.... I was at an orphanage, too.
[ is this bonding? ]
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Was it bad?
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No, they were.... kind, for the most part.
[ it was him who was the bad. cants his head ]
Was yours bad?
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he just looks away, absently messing with a strand of hair. ]
Yep. It was the worst.
...Well. Not at first, but. Eventually.
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[ maybe this is part of why simon is so afraid all the time. he chooses his words carefully, but simon can feel some real empathy there. not specifically about his orphanage, but.... just. childhood experiences ]
I ran away from mine.
[ .... ]
That's shitty, though. Sorry, Simon.
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[ that empathy is sort of a strange and foreign feeling, and though it's sometimes hard to tell this week where his own feelings end and someone else's begin, he's sure that this isn't his. his own empathy, what little there is of it, seems to be reserved for kids abandoned in the backs of cars and those who exist solely for righteous revenge.
now that he's stuck with this feeling for the moment he doesn't know what to think of it or do with it.
he bristles slightly at the apology, for reasons that have nothing to do with livio, but quickly shakes it off. ]
Not like it's your fault. But thanks.
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[ livio isn't offended, though, he gets it. there isn't a lot he can say here. but ]
Yeah, I know. But it's still shitty.
[ that's the most eloquent way he can sum it up ]
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there's a hint of a wry smile at that. ]
It is, yeah.
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... Thanks for tellin' me. I'm glad you got away.