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Entry tags:
memory: interrogation
[ day after day now, it's the same thing. ms. roland comes to the room you share with all the other boys at the orphanage and brings you back to her office while horace just watches you go, completely unaware of what's happening to you.
to be fair, he's asked you plenty of times, but you don't talk to anyone anymore, and his concern for you feels like a sick joke anyway. it's his fault you're here, after all.
as soon as the office door is closed and you're locked in, she starts with the questions again. what did you see that night? who did you tell? didn't she see you speaking to that investigator from zheng fa? she tells you in her honeyed voice that you don't have to be scared because she won't be angry if you just tell her, but you know that's a lie, and if you actually admit to what she knows you saw, she and the weird man with the goggles who smells like smoke and oil will make you disappear, just like that big man they buried under the flowerbed.
she's losing her patience with you more with each of these daily interrogations, though — you were the one who started that fire too, weren't you? it's only because she cares that she's been protecting you from the punishment you deserve — and you're thinking now that it's only a matter of time until they do it, whether you confess or not. you haven't let anyone see you cry since the day you were brought to this orphanage, and you still won't, but it hurts to hold back the tears as you sit in perfect silence while your mind screams in desperation.
daddy, help me...! why won't you come save me? is it... because i broke my promise with you and didn't eat your sweets...?
i'm scared... i'm so scared.
horace... why? why did you stop me...?
...this time, when ms. roland sends you back to your room with a threat that's more thinly-veiled than ever, you decide. no one is going to come and save you, and if they want you to disappear, then you're going to disappear on your own terms.
when horace worriedly asks if you're really okay, you just smile. and when everyone finally goes to sleep, you sneak out with nothing but the clothes and the red raincoat on your back. ]
to be fair, he's asked you plenty of times, but you don't talk to anyone anymore, and his concern for you feels like a sick joke anyway. it's his fault you're here, after all.
as soon as the office door is closed and you're locked in, she starts with the questions again. what did you see that night? who did you tell? didn't she see you speaking to that investigator from zheng fa? she tells you in her honeyed voice that you don't have to be scared because she won't be angry if you just tell her, but you know that's a lie, and if you actually admit to what she knows you saw, she and the weird man with the goggles who smells like smoke and oil will make you disappear, just like that big man they buried under the flowerbed.
she's losing her patience with you more with each of these daily interrogations, though — you were the one who started that fire too, weren't you? it's only because she cares that she's been protecting you from the punishment you deserve — and you're thinking now that it's only a matter of time until they do it, whether you confess or not. you haven't let anyone see you cry since the day you were brought to this orphanage, and you still won't, but it hurts to hold back the tears as you sit in perfect silence while your mind screams in desperation.
daddy, help me...! why won't you come save me? is it... because i broke my promise with you and didn't eat your sweets...?
i'm scared... i'm so scared.
horace... why? why did you stop me...?
...this time, when ms. roland sends you back to your room with a threat that's more thinly-veiled than ever, you decide. no one is going to come and save you, and if they want you to disappear, then you're going to disappear on your own terms.
when horace worriedly asks if you're really okay, you just smile. and when everyone finally goes to sleep, you sneak out with nothing but the clothes and the red raincoat on your back. ]